Money didn’t grow on this $12 tree

Just when you think things can’t get any worse they do.

I planted a money tree sometimes back; when I tell people I don’t have any money they come back with, “I hear you’ve got money growing on trees.”

I went to this nursery on County Road 50 and asked this man for a tree. He grinned and said he had just what I needed and charged me $12. I brought it home, found a good spot and planted it. I put Miracle Grow on it and watered it and watched it grow.

The other night the temperature got down to 27 so there was a frost and now it’s dead. I have lost out again because that tree never yielded as much as a dollar. The only one to make any money was the man that got $12 for it.

Some people say I am sold on myself but I disagree. To show you how considerate I am, I have requested that when I die my family will pick six women pallbearers. That way six unlucky women who never were lucky enough to go out with me while I was alive will have a chance to carry me out when I am dead.

Let’s talk about age. I was talking to an old woman the other day and she said she could remember when Flipper was a minnow. Now that’s pretty old but not as old as me because I remember when Rin Tin Tin was a puppy.

By the way I hear tell that Lane Ruff’s wife fixed him a home-cooked meal. Lane is recuperating slowly and has been advised to be careful as to what he eats in the future.

Patsy Cruise had a birthday and a group of us sang “Happy Birthday” to her down at Hardee’s. We did not have a cake with candles because Hardee’s has a rule against huge fires.

I guess James Bush has left our group. He said he was going where people would laugh at his jokes. I for one don’t know where he is going or how far he will have to go to get there.

Charles Blalock brought up an occupational tax at a meeting recently. The only people I have seen for it are people who do not work and, come to think of it, never worked too much.

I try to go along with everything my doctor says; why go to him if you are not going to take his advice? He told me the other day that I must eat in moderation. Being the good patient I am, I went home and named my kitchen “moderation.”

My youngest great grandson is 2 months old and his three best traits are eating, sleeping and pooping. We all have high hopes he will pick up some more traits as he grows older.

WACQ has moved its antenna and its frequency is now 98.5 FM. I don’t know about everyone else but I can pick up WACQ loud and clear here in Kent. Until they moved the antenna everything depended on the weather.

I going to an outdoor sale at the old stockyards in Clanton Wednesday. My family should be the most clogged-up family in Elmore County because we always stock up on that Amish cheese. I don’t want to sound high-falutin but my family is the big cheese around here.

A lot of people have been asking but as of this writing my purple martins have not arrived. I am looking for them any day and hope by the time this article comes out they will be here.