Editor’s Note: This story contains information about domestic violence and abuse that may be triggering to some readers. If you are experiencing domestic violence, please call 800.799.SAFE (7233) immediately.
“Before she can protest, Macbeth moves behind her, pushing aside her hair, unclasping the necklace and then clasping it again. He has made it so tight that it chafes with every movement, even just the drawing of a breath. Now she will never forget she is wearing it.” - Lady Macbeth by Ava Reid
Ava Reid is one of my favorite authors. Despite the fantastical elements of her writing, many of her novels explore themes of abuse. Her most recent novel, Lady Macbeth, is a Shakespearean retelling with witches and dragons in early medieval Scotland. But it is also about a woman experiencing domestic violence.
While these novels are fictional, the struggles these women face are very real and they are not abnormal; they are tragically — common.
Roughly 3 in 10 women and 1 in 10 men in the U.S. have experienced some level of domestic violence, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Domestic violence is any violence or aggression in the home, generally committed by an intimate partner. It can include things like rape, stalking and physical violence.
There is no average victim. It can happen to anyone — and it does.
It’s easy to pass it by. That would never happen to me. No one I know has had that happen to them. That is something that would only happen in the past. That only happens to other people.
The list goes on, but the truth is you probably have some ties to domestic violence survivors or victims, and you don’t even know it. It’s not something people talk about, and it can be difficult to realize it when it's happening.
Not all violence is loud.
Domestic violence is about power and control. The perpetrator is acting out of desires to dominate. But it can happen in subtle ways.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a Power and Control Wheel that demonstrates this. Some of the tactics include intimidation such as smashing things, using emotional abuse, using isolation, minimizing, denying and blaming, using children as a point of contention, using male privilege such as acting as the “master of the house” to justify abusive actions, using economic abuse and using coercion and threats.
Due to the power dynamics of domestic violence, it can be difficult to leave — even with clear violence and abusive behaviors. Leaving means rejecting the control and power that have been drilled into the relationship. It can sometimes feel more unsafe to leave than to stay for some victims. There are many elements that make it difficult such as fears around leaving, the normalization of abuse in a person’s life, lack of resources, children being part of the picture and even love.
Regardless of the circumstances, the victim is never to blame for someone else’s deed. It is important for this Domestic Violence Awareness month to stay informed about domestic violence, hear stories from survivors and support agencies that aid victims. Because while the topic has a tendency to be sensationalized, domestic violence is widespread.
“Her heartbeat slows, but only just. He does not mean to punish her, at least not now. He has already gotten his fill of violence somewhere else.” - Lady Macbeth by Ava Reid
Abigail Murphy is the Dadeville beat reporter for Tallapoosa Publishers Inc. She can be reached at abigail.murphy@alexcityoutlook.com.
