Walking into that first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest it was beating so hard.
Fresh off some of the worst few days of my life and without having a clue what I was going to do next, I went to an AA meeting in hopes of finding some clarity. I knew I had to make a change but I didn’t yet know what that change was.
Even when I left my first AA meeting, I still didn’t know what I was doing but I knew I felt I needed to come back. I dove head first into the Big Book and read the stories and thought, “That’s me. That’s what my life is, and there’s only worse down the road.”
When I decided to officially accept my silver chip, saying I wanted to be part of the program, I was willing to accept I had a problem and I couldn’t overcome it without help. I was so afraid of the magnitude of what I was doing. I don’t like to fail, and the idea of never drinking again — that was too much to bear.
But Alcoholic Anonymous, luckily, taught me I didn’t have to worry about that; at least not right away. All I had to do was take things one day at a time.
Somehow, someway, by the Grace of God, I stand here with five years of sobriety under my belt. I promise y’all when I crossed that parking lot at Red Ridge United Methodist Church in Dadeville that first time, I never thought I’d be here today.
Especially given this year, with the death of my brother-in-law Dylan Gentry along with the countless heartbreaking stories we have covered at Tallapoosa Publishers in 2023, I questioned many times if four years would be my last chip. I don’t always know how it happens, but I thank God every day I have made it another sunrise without a drink.
Even now, with five years of sobriety, I’ve learned the importance of taking things slowly and not allowing things to get too big. If I hadn’t learned the lessons AA taught me, I am not sure I’d have been able to deal with Dylan’s death. It’s all about taking things one day at a time. Sometimes all I can do is get out of bed, and sometimes that’s just good enough.
As we head into the new year and a new set of resolutions are pondering in our minds, I urge you to try the unthinkable. Don’t worry about if you’ll make it to the end of the year; don’t worry about if you’ll even make it to February.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that next year isn’t guaranteed. Between the deaths of the Dadeville shooting victims and the countless others we have lost this year, we know there’s no time like the present. Now is the year to achieve that goal you’ve been wanting for so long, and today is the day to take the first step.
Lizi Arbogast Gwin is the managing editor at Tallapoosa Publishers Inc.
